A new book has been published, written by a much-admired scientist. It is about the “Yes”-approach of parenting and how it affects children’s everyday life. I have listened to several podcasts, read articles about it, and the book is at the top of my wish list; another one on the growing mountain of interesting reading in my shelf.
My children are very different: one is rather shy and moody, the other very open and easier to satisfy.
The sun is shining, finally, and I wish it would last a few more days.
These are simple examples from everyday life that show the following: our brain is only too happy to categorize, evaluate and thus influence our emotions and action impulses. That is completely normal. However, this is also a sign of the doing-mode and a clinging to desires and ideas.
One of the 9 qualities of mindfulness: letting be or letting go
One of the 9 valuable qualities of mindfulness is “letting be” or “letting go”. Through the practice of mindfulness – the practice of “being” with life and all that it brings with it – can we recognize what we are holding on to, or in which mind-spirits and emotion patterns we are entangled. We can notice impulses and desires and also how that urge to “more” or “clinging” feels like in us. Only through this conscious process can we, as a next step, be aware of what is and then let go of what we want to hold on to. Letting be is closely linked to acceptance and non-striving. It means letting life and the moment be the way it is right now, without wanting something different or simply more.
Allowing yourself to be authentic
Very important is the ability to let oneself just be and to let go of the ideas of one’s own ego. In the past, I was convinced that “I am shy.” or “I am not athletic.” That was how I defined myself and how I thought other people would see me. My own negative assessment of this was followed by a futile attempt to change me, with the hope to be more accepted and appreciated by others.
If we allow ourselves to let go of this attachment to ideas and desires, we grant ourselves infinite freedom and inner peace. We no longer have to be “the reliable” or “the funny”, we can simply be what corresponds to our own nature without attaching value to external influences. From the inside, out of our own inner wisdom, can we see that mere being is the only authentic way to live – and then free ourselves from what pulls us away from it.
Letting go of wishes and internal images
Then I do not have to own every interesting book to learn more, but I can trust that what I know and what I can do is enough. Then I can also allow my children to be who they are without categorizing them and unconsciously expecting patterns of behaviour. Then I can be surprised by them and the present moment. And then I can allow myself to enjoy the sunbeams at this moment without thinking about the future.
The mere “letting be” of things, persons and situations is sometimes very difficult, because as a first step it involves the realization of the attachment or the wanting. But then it can be immensely liberating and open the doors to a wealth of new experiences, to a new treasure of life.
“You do not find peace when you reorganize your life circumstances, but by becoming aware of who you are in the deepest interior.” Eckhart Tolle