It may be time to reflect once again whether we can really be happy while constantly being in motion, in a hurry or being busy accomplishing something. Behind me lies a very intense phase of several weeks (or rather months, if I‘m honest), where no break was possible. If one task was done, the next one was immediately on my to-do-list. Everything went very well; I delivered and fulfilled expectations, I had pleasure in my work and felt a certain pride in what I had done. These were important projects, every single one of them, and each one required all my attention and thorough examination. If I start doing something, I want to do it right.
Consequences of an unattented self-care
What was left behind was me, my being, my well-being. This happened more or less consciously. I did not allow myself to take any breaks, skipped my sports routine, and forbid my body to continue shouting for attention and better care. I managed to make it to the (provisional) end of the hot phase and went away for a few days from all of this to take a break and recharge – on an intensive several-day-long seminar. Nevertheless, I could quicly feel how the silence of the hotel room and the altered surroundings were spreading out their blanket of reassurance on my broken mind and body. The pain became less, the tension was leaving my body bit by bit.
I have just finished my first mindfulness course, and this course was a big challenge for me, both in content and emotionally. It was a great pleasure to give this course and I feel deep gratitude for all participants and for my teachers and colleagues. The latter have given me the confidence to expand the adventure of being a mindfulness trainer, and without them I would not be where I am now. However, I have to admit that the most important topic of my course – in my view – is also the most important topic of myself – self-care. It was not only difficult for the participants of my course to look after themselves, instead of mostly after their children or their partner or simply the other people around them. Self-care, just being there, doing what does me good without having to show a result, reading, going for a walk (why not even barefoot and really feel it?), to do a puzzle, eating with peace and enjoyment, meditating, allowing me to withdraw from time to time, etc. – why is this so hard? “That feels selfish.” “Surely the others think I‘m totally lazy.” “There’s no time for that.” “I can’t afford to do this, there are many more important things to do.”
NO.
There is nothing more important than self-care
There is nothing more important than self-care. Yes, I cannot simply leave for three hours and just hang around. Yes, I cannot put my children in front of the TV for two hours just because I could use a little time out right now. But no, I do not have to do the laundry when my little one is asleep, but I can read a book and enjoy the silence. And no, I do not have to build the Lego tower three times in a row, but I can also say that I will love to come back to the play when I have drunk my coffee while it is still hot. Self-care also means getting enough sleep and giving priority to my physical recovery. Self-care includes feeding the body with as much nourishing fuel as possible and not automatically reaching for that chocolate bar after a stressful day. And it also means not to judge myself even if the chocolate bar is gone at the end of the day or when a harsh word has slipped out of my mouth. Self-care means taking good care and being kind to myself, also verbally. Self-compassion can be a big help if things get rough.
If it is not yet clear enough: self-care is the only means of meeting other people with kindness, openness and acceptance. If we are not feeling well, then we are not able to receive or to give, as we are in survival mode. And there we are really not a pleasant person to be with and we cannot be a patient mother, a compassionate father or a loving partner, even if we strive for this very hard and have noble intentions. First, we have to put on our own oxygen masks, as we are shown in the airplane, only then can we be there for others.
It is time to try out how life feels when more “being” and less “doing” is guiding our day. Right now is a good moment to start.