New beginnings – inherent challenges and chances

by Being Mindful

Recently my family and I have had several new beginnings in our life: a move to another country, to another house, to a completely different life. A new way of family life. First day of school in a new school and in a new language. More space here, less storage there. Clearing out, screwing together, stowing away, getting rid of. And there is always something new every day, be it a defective computer or a doctor’s appointment. We have been preparing for this time of change with all the paper work and emotionally – the latter especially together with the children.

 

It was a big change that had previously (and still does) cost us a lot of effort, especially because of the small people who needed our presence to understand and handle all the new things around them. We often told ourselves that it was a transitional situation and at some point everything would have found its own rhythm and the move would be finished.

But to be honest, can something ever be finished?

No, nothing is ever really finished. The mindful attitude to life sees everything as a new beginning. Everything is fresh, has never been there, and the invitation here is not to lose sight of the beginner’s mind. Staying open, staying curious, not having too many plans and expectations of how something should be. Each breath is a new beginning, every morning is completely fresh and unique.

 

“There is no difference between weekend and weekday, between normal days and holidays: there is only sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset. Treasure and enjoy. ”

This saying from the internet brings it to the point. There are no special situations, no transitional phases, no exceptions, after all goes as planned. The mindful way of life considers every day, every moment as something completely new, and only an open and curious heart is able to do justice to the fullness of life. Only with this unrestricted presence, of taking life and every moment as it is, only then is it really possible not to be overrun by the waves. Of course it can be helpful to plan projects such as a move as best you can. But it is important not to forget that things often turn out different than planned and that mindfulness can help immensely by accepting everything with a friendly and interested presence.

 

This inner confidence and knowledge of being at ease with everything that exists can be a solid rock in the turbulent waters of life, especially when facing big changes. I try to cultivate this attitude through regular meditation and mindfulness practice.

This is a lifelong task and there is no end to it. There is only sunrise and then sunset, and again sunrise, and in between an infinite number of moments, of life itself.

How can mindfulness help us in coping with change?

by Being Mindful

Everything is changing, all the time. The weather changes – in Brussels often very quickly in only one day –, our moods change, we are gaining or losing weight, we try a new hobby, an illness destroys all vacation plans, there is a new colleague at work, we are growing older, a baby arrives in the family and changes every single aspect of life, we are being made redundant or get a new job, a relationship ends or begins or we are moving to another apartment, city or even country. Change is part of human life. Sometimes the changes are small and not directly visible; sometimes a huge shift in our life lies ahead of us and controls our thoughts and emotions.

Over four years ago I moved to Brussels with my husband and a little baby of six weeks. Everything was new: the apartment, living in a city (we came from the Luxembourgish Ardennes), the neighbours, the language(s), my husband´s job, and of course all our family life. I kept myself busy with exploring the area and the museums with a pushchair as best as I could, although I had to face a lot of challenges as I discovered that public buildings and transport were not extremely well equipped for a baby. I went for walks every day and tried to get to know the shops, the pharmacies, and all the new doctors we had to go to. It took me half a year to find my place in this completely new environment, half a year of feeling overwhelmed, often lonely and yet very stressed by everything going on after this huge change in every aspect of my life.

Change is inevitable. We have to accept this.

Change is inevitable; there is nothing to argue with that. All we can do is to handle it and keep on living our lives. It is how we perceive change that can make this experience an interesting or even liberating one or rather terrifying.

How can we become more resilient in our lives so that unexpected or seemingly uncontrollable change does not take us off track?

The most important step is to accept that change is part of our life. No matter how much we try to control people or events to stay the way we know – and therefore rest in our comfort zone – all will be over, new, gone, or different sooner or later. Accepting this fact can help a lot in letting go of the resistance we often feel when being confronted with something new or unexpected. Things may not turn out the way we planned or hoped for, but accepting this will help a lot in keeping our heads clear of too many worrying thoughts and give us some space for the actually dealing with the situation at hand.

Tools for experiencing change in daily life

  • Making the intention to stay positive: Feeling the emotions that arise, engaging in self-care and believing in ourselves and in our coping possibilities can help a lot in remaining positive.
  • Journaling may help us to stay in line with the bigger picture and our core values. We can put our thoughts and worries into words and bring some order to the perceived chaos and the unknown.
  • Being aware that change can trigger patterns of thoughts: “I could have done better.” “What will happen next?” Remembering that we are not our thoughts, even if they feel very real. We can ask ourselves: Is this thought really true? Or is it just a mind pattern, arising out of habit or our felt need of protection against uncertainty?
  • Being organized and open-minded. We can try to be prepared and to consciously plan ahead, for example when moving to another country with the whole family. Thorough planning may not free us from having to face a lot of stress and uncertainties, but it can help us to feel more secure and resilient and to approach sudden stressors with a clear and focused mind.
  • Coming back to our bodies time and again and feeling the sensations in the body, feeling the breath or the feet on the ground. Try to find an anchor (breath, sensations in the hands, sounds, etc.) that can help you to feel grounded when you need something to lean on.
  • Applying self-compassion to ourselves when we are feeling overwhelmed or insecure. Changes such as losing a job or breaking up a relationship can be frightening and very sad. We can acknowledge the fact that this is hard for us right now and that we can allow all feelings to arise.

Change is part of everyday life. The one thing that stays stable and solid, however, is our inert awareness that can create a space and observe everything that is going on: outer experiences and our emotions, thoughts and sensations in the body.

My family is approaching another big change. With now two children, a certain number of toys and a huge amount of experiences and memories we will change countries once more. We have already started planning and organizing and preparing the kids step by step, as for them it will be an even greater change of all they know of life so far.

But this time, it feels quite different. In the past years I have learned to be mindful. Being mindful of my thoughts, my emotions and my bodily sensations allows me to see everything as passing events, a coming and going of joyful anticipation, worry, stress and too much planning. I am much calmer now and try to take every step and every day as it comes, trusting that my family and I will be able to deal with whatever comes up. It still is a stressful experience, but by focusing on the positive, being grateful for what I have and not following every worrying story my mind is trying to sell me helps me in keeping the bigger picture in mind.